Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
