she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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