I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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