So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
