Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
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