Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
this just has baby written all over it
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
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