I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
