Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Congratulations! We have a period
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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