We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
