never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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