I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
