when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
