Pappa wants mamma naked
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
