i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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