"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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