but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
