And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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