I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
