remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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