U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
