But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My pussy is not your playground.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
