she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
