Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
