Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
