haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I think I died a long time ago.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
