If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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