1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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