come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
