sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
