you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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