We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
