I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
