You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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