You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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