Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I forgot how hot balto sounded
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize