He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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