My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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