last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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