just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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