all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize