No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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