Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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