It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
