You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
