1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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