Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
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