Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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