I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
