I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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