this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
