I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
