Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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