Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize