I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
