Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
