I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
