I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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