A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
