OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
