I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
40s are totally the cure
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
