3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
