I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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