fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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