honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
