My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
