WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
