She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
