We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
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