I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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