Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
