We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
