just come out here and I will go home with you...
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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