I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
