Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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