going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
